Who am I?

Mi foto
Not even I know who i am full well, but I will try to explain as well as i can what i do know. I am a girl. I fight depression, and social anxiety. More than anything I want to lose weight. This is my attempt to start over. Youll get to know me as you read the anectodes of my life.

viernes, 13 de abril de 2012

Miss H

When I saw this photo it really reminded me of a certain person. And a certain situation.

Im ok with my boyfriend talking to girls and stuff, even though it does tend to spark a kind of hurtfull pang inside me when he does, but I ignore it because its silly, and unnecessary.

But theres this one girl. I would say her name, but I dont want anyone who knows her to know Im talking about her. So lets just call her Miss H. 

Miss H is the girl my boyfriend fell for (over the internet) a couple years before meeting me. She sais she loved him too.
They didnt go out or anything . . . But ive read some of the messages . . .  Something im not proud of as I did it behind my boyfriends back. . .  and something I deeply regret doing as for what I found in those messeges.
Dont worry they werent any obcene profanities or sexy messages. They were worse.
Super cute love filled texts. . .
It made my stomach knot up so much I threw up.

They never met in person. Never went out. Never even heard eachothers voice.
But those messages show how much they felt.

Now I say this photo reminds me of this, because, even knowing that I know all of this, knowing how much hate courses through me at the mention of her name. He insists on keeping contact.

Dont get me wrong, Id never actually ask him to cut her out of his life. That would be unfair. I get that they are friends. . . But things just get to me.

He had a problem with me and instead of coming to me, he went to her
Hes practically admitted that he doesnt open his e-mails infront of me becasue he "doesnt want me to get bad if shes talked to him"
He told me (one night when we were drunk) that she had recently asked him if hed ever considered them as a serious relationship, implying that she had. And mentioning that she had recently broken up with her guy.
As in seeing if hes still interested.

It makes me sick how she calls him "cute"
And goes on about how even though shes young shes very wise and shit  as shes gone though sooooo much  and that shell always always be there for him no matter what.
She so obviously flirts with him.
He just keeps going back.

And I keep my mouth shut. Becasue she is his friend. And its not my buisness if he wants to say friends with her.

But shes so beautiful....

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