Who am I?

Mi foto
Not even I know who i am full well, but I will try to explain as well as i can what i do know. I am a girl. I fight depression, and social anxiety. More than anything I want to lose weight. This is my attempt to start over. Youll get to know me as you read the anectodes of my life.

domingo, 20 de mayo de 2012

Good day today ^^

I ate well, was tempted to binge on this delicious cheese that my flat mate gave me and placed on my shelf in the fridge ( playing dirty in the race to our goal weight? ) but I resisted HA!
Well I had a little cos she was watching and I felt preassured.. I felt terible afterwards and succesfully purged within 5 minute.
Im not proud of my purging, but a girls gotta do.

Im not sure if I should be writing this next paragraph, but you guys are the only people i can talk about this >_< but dont say i didnt warn... Its kinda TMI and potentially triggering.. Im not sure yet as I havent written it, but yeah..

Its kinda scary how good ive gotten at purging. The moment my knees hit the floor, I place my elbows on the seat and my hands hold my hair back, I just have to open my mouth and I retch and throw up no poblem. Im even pretty quiet. I just have to open my mouth wide enough and it triggers a gag reflex. And I dont even have to run a tap or anything, noone knows what im up to. I think.

I felt good after my purge, a bit guilty.. as im trying so hard to lose weight other ways... and trying not to resort to purging... but the nice light feeling overcame the guilt and i just let myself feel empty and hollow.

***

Two hours later I made myself a small salad, mostly cucumber and yellow pepper, so as to up my veggie intake as ive hardly had any today, and then for supper just now I had the rest of the Papaya and a nice green tea.
I like how the Papaya leaves a nice taste in my mouth and how, even though after eating it i dont feel hungry, my stomach still feels light.. its not a heavy bloated kind of full. I dont feel the weight of food in my stomach, but i dont feel the hunger too. Im pretty sure that the tea helps with that too. My love for green tea grows daily <3

Ive always been a coffee person, not much of a tea drinker, but i guess thats changed now. I had to work myself of coffee because my addiction to caffeine really wasnt doing me any favours, and that was a very hard thing to do. I went through terrible withdrawl symptoms, i felt sick for ages.
I still allow myself the occasional coffee but nowhere near as much as before, and I was reading up on the good things about green tea so I tried it , and everytime i have it I like it more haha


Im feeling happy right now and let me conclude this relatively good day by welcoming my new follower ruby-tuesday ^^ Its feels so nice to have another person that reads the nonsense i write haha
And lots of love to Kate. I always love reading what you have to say, in comment form, and on your blog ^^

Stay strong my lovelies <3

Breathe ~

1 comentario:

  1. Purging gets easier the longer you do so. I'm glad to hear you had a good day today. Thank you for all the lovely comments you leave on my blog. So very sweet of you =)
    XOXO

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