Who am I?

Mi foto
Not even I know who i am full well, but I will try to explain as well as i can what i do know. I am a girl. I fight depression, and social anxiety. More than anything I want to lose weight. This is my attempt to start over. Youll get to know me as you read the anectodes of my life.

viernes, 18 de mayo de 2012

Tired of being me

Wow I really gotta clean my room, this place is a mess. 

Sorry I havet really been posting much lately, ive been pretty down... 
~ Exam stress
~ Stress from 12 last minute projets ( teachers seem to think we ONLY have their subject or something; thats how it looks like anyway with the ammount they each give us....)
~ Missing my mother
~ Plagued by food
~ Craving chocolate fudge
~ Hating my body ( i think this has doubled lately)
~ Sad because next Thursday is when I see my boyfriend and im nowhere near where i wanted to be by then
~ My boyfriend is drinking again ( he passed out drunk in his vomit while we were talking on skype yesterday)
~ My boyfriend is suicidal ( i guess his pills arent working )>_<
~ Struggeling against self harm every night when i feel like slicing myself just to feel some physical pain for once and drown out the emotions, even if its just for a moment... 

I guess ive come to consider myself as "recovered" when it comes to my self harm. But if im honest Im not really... Maybe Ill never be... I still crave the kiss of the blade to drown out my mind for a little... its so tempting in its comfort... its so close.... 

But I dont. For my boyfriend. Because hed blame himself. Because if I slip, who am I to try and keep him from cutting his precious body. 

Im messed up

1 comentario:

  1. You are so not messed up love. If it makes you feel any better, I've been fighting the urge to cut. I've been craving fudge also, but peanut butter fudge. Everything is peanut butter lately lol. You are so beautiful. Such a kind heart. Keep your head up and you will be better. <3