Sorry I havet really been posting much lately, ive been pretty down...
~ Exam stress
~ Stress from 12 last minute projets ( teachers seem to think we ONLY have their subject or something; thats how it looks like anyway with the ammount they each give us....)
~ Missing my mother
~ Plagued by food
~ Craving chocolate fudge
~ Hating my body ( i think this has doubled lately)
~ Sad because next Thursday is when I see my boyfriend and im nowhere near where i wanted to be by then
~ My boyfriend is drinking again ( he passed out drunk in his vomit while we were talking on skype yesterday)
~ My boyfriend is suicidal ( i guess his pills arent working )>_<
~ Struggeling against self harm every night when i feel like slicing myself just to feel some physical pain for once and drown out the emotions, even if its just for a moment...
I guess ive come to consider myself as "recovered" when it comes to my self harm. But if im honest Im not really... Maybe Ill never be... I still crave the kiss of the blade to drown out my mind for a little... its so tempting in its comfort... its so close....
But I dont. For my boyfriend. Because hed blame himself. Because if I slip, who am I to try and keep him from cutting his precious body.
Im messed up