Who am I?

Mi foto
Not even I know who i am full well, but I will try to explain as well as i can what i do know. I am a girl. I fight depression, and social anxiety. More than anything I want to lose weight. This is my attempt to start over. Youll get to know me as you read the anectodes of my life.

lunes, 4 de junio de 2012

Good day

All in all today has been good.
Its hard for me to have a good day nowadays because ive been hit by a pretty strong wave of depression and i feel like i just cant take it anymore. Thank god for friends.

I felt like shit in the morning, got up early becasue my sleep patterns anre all over the place, and had the other half a papaya and some Antiox juice wich is very nice. I felt so sad. I sent an email to my boyfriend becasue i missed him but i tried to keep my utterly bad feelings out of the email though i did talk about how much i miss him and that it makes me so sad to be away from him (understatement).

in my pijamas still at 11 I was getting pretty hungry and so I had a Mango for the first time. I got sooo sticky trying to figure out how to peal and cut it.

[I have this down to a science. When Im depressed is when i binge most, so if i dont eat (as most of the time in those situations I feel like i cant be bothered, and whats the point) I will end up binging, not giving a shit and then feeling utterly disgusting, wich contributes do the depression. So when i start getting a little hungry I eat some fruit to shut myself off and prevent.]

I even cried a bit this morning. I dont usually cry. Not since my father left. I think thats when the fear of seeming weak kicked off. I wanted to be strong. Like I was Ok for my mother, and like I didnt care for my father.
When I get the urge to cry I sqash it. Crying is not an option. I dont cry.
Except today I did.
Silent tears running down my face. I didnt care.

Then at around 12, my friend T. called me about a project we had to hand in in the University so I had to go. I got up knowing deep down that getting out of the house would probably help at least a little, but still wishing i could just spend the day cur;ed up in my bed. And then she took me to the beach.
The day turned out pretty well, I guess its just what i needed. A shining sun and a lovely beach.

We handed the project in and went straight there, T. her boyfriend M. and I, and i had a lot of fun swimming and sun bathing. I didnt really even feel self concious as I noticed that i was slimmer than T. is. Maybe thats a little mean, but it made me feel a little safer in my bathing suit.

After that we went to a little restaurante where they ordered some tapas and I had a smoothie (Mango, Strawberry and Coconut) Lovely. and then we got a pack of mini Magnum icecream bites and i had 3.

We walked back home and I walked all the way barefoot and i feel much better.

Im so glad shes my friend

2 comentarios:

  1. I'm sorry you are feeling depressed and missing your boyfriend but I am glad your day ended up better. I know how horrible depression can be, some days I wake up and dread the day ahead but you are right getting out of the house and meeting friends always helps. Much love xxx

  2. It sounds like you guys are building a beautiful friendship. We all need friends like that in our lives. I'm sorry you feel so down today. Just keep your head up and stay strong.