I feel so fat. Tremendously so and its disgusting. Piles and piles of sluggish fat coating my bones ugh. Lovely.
Here I restirict as much as possible, I dont eat anything, I only drink water or green tea, and then my mother gets back for work and makes a big meal and forces me to sit with the whole family watching me eat. So I smile. I chew. I die a little more inside.
I run to the bathroom (discreetly) as soon as possible and purge and purge and purge and purge. But sometimes Im not able to purge much.
Most times it feels like most of the food is still in there, streching out my stomach for the next time I have to eat, so that I dont feel full with my little portions like I used to.
And when my mother is really late coming back form work.
She brings back take away fast food.
I havent felt so suicidal in so long.
I almost cut so many times. I dont know if Im gonna be able to stop myself soon.
I just want to get a big meat cleaver and carve off all the fat hanging on to my waist and stomach and thighs. ugh. ugh I feel sick
When I move out I will:
- Stack the fridge up with fruit and live of manily that and green tea and almond milk
- See if I can bring the stepping machene we have over here and use it every day whenever I have a spare moment.
- Create a workout routene around my squedule
- Go running every morning with Fer one of my flatmates.
- Research diets and go on one a week after moving in.
That is how much better my life is gonna be.
Actually, what Im gonna do is ask you all something.
I want to know if any of you have been on any diets that have proven very succesfull for you and if you recomend any diets for me
Do you recomend any diets I can start on my second week in my new flat?