Who am I?

Mi foto
Not even I know who i am full well, but I will try to explain as well as i can what i do know. I am a girl. I fight depression, and social anxiety. More than anything I want to lose weight. This is my attempt to start over. Youll get to know me as you read the anectodes of my life.

miércoles, 5 de diciembre de 2012

Bad day ... Self-harm related - Potentialy triggering

I self harmed today.
Broke that promise today.

I said Id never do it again.
Commited and prevailed for two years.
Untill today.

My mother callled. We talked. It turned in to an argument.
She accused me of not loving her becasue I cant go to see her this weekend. 
It was so unfair it made me cry.
Her response was "whatever".
She pushed
and pushed
and pushed

saying that I dont love her.
That shes glad I "cant" come down. I could practically hear the quote marks in her voice.
Said she was glad I didnt love her.
Those words exactly
"You know what, Im glad you dont love me, at least I know where I stand now"

All this because I have eight progects to finish, three for the 10th, two for the 11th and  three to hand in on the 13th. And an exam on the 11th.
Im sorry that I cant leave my group to fend for themselves, becasue believe it or not, the contibution of one person does a lot and is sorely noticed in its absence.
There is a lot to do.
So much.
And the unfairness of her claims and thoroughly hurtful words managed to push me off the edge.
I cried in the shower.
And slashed my hip with my razor
Watches the blood glide down my leg and grow fainter and fainter as it blended in with the water.
I watched untill I couldnt see anymore because of the tears.
And then I cried untill the warm water ran out. And then some.

If you have stuck through this post with me I love you and thank you for loving me enough to take an interest in my bullshit <3
Finally I want to say that Im really sorry if Ive triggered anyone, but I did warn in the title that this post could trigger you...

Lots of love to you all

3 comentarios:

  1. I really hope you are having a better day today sweetie. I sent you an email this morning. I'm sorry that your mom said all those hurtful things to you. Keep your head up. You're loved.

  2. thank you ^^ and thank you so much for your emails, I love talking to you and it means a lot to me xoxo

  3. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Keep strong, don't let other people trigger you to cut. They aren't worth it xx